The Pursuit of Peace

Watching the sunrise through the frosted windows of my sunroom I became intrigued by the designs. One window’s pattern looked like ski slopes, the one right next to it like a line-drawing, and the one on the other side of the L was all crystals and sparkle.

Obama has accepted his Nobel Prize. That day, the newspaper said that his speech would address the pursuit of peace in wartime. The crowd would be ready with signs of Change with a question mark.

Change?

It got me thinking about how, in addition to your conscience and your temperament, “the pursuit of peace” stands in relation to what you feel responsible for and to whom you feel responsible. I wouldn’t want the responsibilities of a president.

I figured Obama would address not only his reasoning but his feelings. I like this about him. He’s helped me with some personal questions I’ve had by sharing the process with which he works through his, comes to decisions, and takes action.

There’s this great line in A Treatise on the Art of Thought (the first of the four treatises in The Treatises of A Course of Love) about replacing responsibility with response. The way I’ve seen it is as a call to take the obligatory feeling away from responsibilities and to respond truly – from who you are. Man, I’ve had a hard time with this.

Donny and I made a deal about morning childcare since Henry’s mom returned to work two weeks ago. Basically the deal is that we split the hours so that I still get my morning time. We don’t usually do this kind of thing. We’re pretty loosey-goosey about the flow of our days. But faced with losing my morning hours, I had to voice my need of them. It feels so amazing to me to be heard and to have this cooperation.

They say Obama’s did a lot of reading in preparation for accepting his prize: reading the speeches of past presidents who received the Nobel, (Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson), as well as those of Marshall, Mandela and King. One of his speech writers said Obama feels that the award places a responsibility on him…being in that company…wanting to extend the legacy. So Obama does all that reading, takes in all that history, and then delivers a speech that is from his heart and from this present time. Others will listen and respond. The power of the word, of an expression of conscience, combined with a relation to the needs of the time, might just prevail…or so I was thinking.

There’s something about the possibility of true expression prevailing that excites me, no matter the outcome, and that gives me hope in the small area of my own life. I simply feel that we’re all so different – as different as the frost on the windows – but still “frost’ if you get my drift. And it seems that if we were each able to respond truly, the change that’s always happening anyway, would be more aligned with who we are…even if it takes some negotiations.

I am just psyched that I’ve had this one successful negotiation, that it protects my quiet time, and that it makes me hopeful for more of the same. I’ve been downright cheered by it.

Of course, Obama admits that negotiations sometimes fail and that then other measures are necessary. This is always the pits. That my negotiations have failed a great deal of the time is probably why I’ve fallen away from trying, and have ended up so surprised and delighted that a negotiation as simple as this one between Donny and me worked. I thought I’d share it because it’s been such a good reminder to me.

The “pursuit of peace” is one of those paradoxes – the more you “pursue it” – the more it can appear to elude you. I’ve heard this again and again. My favorite quote from a friend of mine is about how when she started praying for harmony, all hell broke loose. I’ve seen it happen more than once…true peace only coming when you’ve walked through the disharmony, or the stale habits, or the friction of a relationship…and how we often are better at achieving peace everywhere else than at home.

But I’m encouraged. Maybe those you love are more prone to negotiation than terrorists too. It’s worth finding out.

It's About Character

I had a near meltdown yesterday. It had to do, on the surface, with my search for new employment. It makes me want to ask, “Is anybody else out there having a hard time of it?” Come on, you can admit to it. It’s about time poverty quit being something we’re embarrassed about, isn’t it? And how do we admit to that search for vocation if we don’t ever admit our discomfort with the options that seem to present themselves.

So – the option that seemed to present itself.

It was the first job possibility I’d gotten since my last temp-job ended. It was at the same horrible corporate place but a much worse job. One of those where you’re on the phone all the time harassing people for money. Being a dutiful member of a struggling family I was set to take this job (if it was offered) until I got the “job consideration” questionnaire, a 155-question personality test. I’d only answered the first five questions when I started to get teary eyed and then laid down on the couch, covered my face with a pillow, and wailed. I felt like I was about to sell my soul. How can they ask you this stuff for a measly little low-paying temp job (or any job)? How can they ask you to give your permission for them to check everything from your credit to your urine? What is going in America?

I hit the cancel button on the personality test and agonized the rest of the day over my idea that I just had to turn down this job. I didn’t talk to anyone about it, just moped around with a sorrowful look on my face and started crying again when I went to pick up my grandson at daycare and the chatty helper asked me how things were going. Of all the days to ask! There wasn’t another day he would have had to suffer through the awkwardness of leaking tears and a red nose.

I dropped my daughter and grandson off and went for a walk – or walked the trails at my favorite park until I found a semi-private place to sit and muse. I didn’t really make a decision, just drank in a little solitude in the midst of the chaos of my frustrations.

This morning I made the call, saying, “I just don’t think that job is right for me,” and was told there might be some others that would be a better fit. I felt vindicated in my decision. It wasn’t the end of the world. Another job would come along. But it was more than that. There was something about making that decision on my own, about choosing not to discuss it with my husband first, about deciding for myself what I could not do, that made me feel my spit and vinegar and got my energy flowing again.

I guess it made me feel too, the reasons I started this blog. Those reasons of the helplessness you can get to feeling with the “way things are” – the “way things are” being that ability of the corporation to big brother you right out of your integrity as a human being. I know there’s a move afoot to block the credit rating check – not really for reasons of recognizing it’s none of an employer’s business – but for reasons cited as fairness: maybe your credit has been adversely affected by the activities of your spouse. Or maybe your credit has been adversely affected by you not having a job! It’s crazy!

And you can’t tell me this state of affairs doesn’t have to do with the spiritual nature of us as people or as a nation. As Obama said about the healthcare debate – it’s about character.