Yesterday, it didn’t rain all day (unusual), but the air felt wet, it really did. I’d be walking out to the cabin and get the feeling that I was getting sprinkled on, and yet not have any evidence. Coming out this morning, it’s clear the rain finally came in the night. The day is gloomy and morning slow to come. It’s cool, delicious, somber, joyful.
I feel as if I’ve come out of my cave. I’ve been in that cave, hunkered down, feeling under siege. It’s not quite been the cave of solitude but something else altogether. I was beginning to get the picture at Easter and then went to the North Shore a couple of weeks ago. All those waves pounding on the rocks matched the kind of cave experience I’d been dealing with, but began to lift it too.
I don’t know why we have to go through those under siege times that break us open, but I’ve found there’s doorways in them and that coming out feels really good. Here’s a quote and a link to an interview with Elizabeth Lesser who wrote on this in her book Broken Open.
"The phrase "broken" is a good one to start from. When the stresses of life build up to a certain point, whether it's the loss of someone you love or the loss of a job or a divorce, we all would understand when you say, "That really broke me down," meaning it was a change that ended in making us a little more cynical or scared or unable to cope. But there is this other possibility that after the breaking, we can open up more into who are supposed to be, in the way that a flower breaks out of the confines of a bud into its full blossoming."
I made a pretty simple decision while us “up north”…to quit focusing on other people and start living my life. Just do that. Just follow my own nose and see where it would take me. No decisions. No plans. Just following that inner pull. My energy has increased daily since then and I’ve been doing a little creating. One creation is of a new blog.
On it you can find a video of my trip, or you can watch it here
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